I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
