am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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