just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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