you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
