note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
