my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
