it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
