Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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