soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
