I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
