i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
