i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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