Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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