So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
