I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
