I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
