Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
