I want to make a zoo with you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
