I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
