I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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