She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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