How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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