I didn't shave. On purpose
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
