Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
