I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
