I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
