I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
