I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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