My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
