I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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