Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i believe in u and ur pee
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
