i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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