just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
