I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
