why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
