Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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