Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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