Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
