Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
