you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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