The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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