You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
