He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
