I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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