my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
