I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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