First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize