Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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