I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
