Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize