There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
