Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
