So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think my mom watched the whole time
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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