I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
