i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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