we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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