Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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