She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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