i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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