Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
