C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize