i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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