just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
