Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
