I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ttyl tear gas
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
