You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
