proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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