I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
