She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
