is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We don't watch enough power rangers
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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