Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
