Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
