is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
