We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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