just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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