I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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