I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
