The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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