He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
