so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
