this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
